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Posted by Madame Harriet Gringlecauldron (08/16/2005) - A fortnight ago I went down to the graveyard, and stood on a freshly made grave, one dug just that morn.  This I interpreted thusly: Invest in Enron, but invest not in Citigroup or you’ll lose all.

Posted by Arthur Conan Doyle (08/16/2005) - I know nothing about Enron and Citigroup. But, I do know that as soon as I put the Yadua in my mouth, it told me to invest in Bob’s Discount Furniture. So I put down 30,000 on them. And, I’ve never been wrong yet!

Posted by Jebediah Foster (08/17/2005) - There’s a first time for everything. Today a deer blocked my path, making me drop my staff from my hand and my bread from my mouth. That cannot be a good sign!

Posted by Holiday Mathis (08/17/2005) - Aquararius: (Jan. 20 - Feb 18). Some people lose it under pressure but the stress gives you such an energy rush all you lose is weight. You can get colleagues to help by turning on the charm. Side note: This is the ideal time to change your hair color.

Posted by Ariel Winklestein (08/18/2005) - It’s too bad the Torah forbid this kind of thing. These guys could give you great investing tips. But since Hashem forbids it, I’ll have nothing to do with these guys.

Posted by Chaim Meyers (08/18/2005) - Too bad! As Rambam wrote in Hilchot Avodat Cochavim, these people are nothing more than charlatans. Only people as foolish as woman and children would think these guys have any power. You Ashkenazim are morons!

Posted by Aharon Greenberg (08/19/2005) - Arrgh, I hate you mediums! You told me the dead promised Enron would go up. You heard it directly from the Yadua’s mouth, so to speak. Well I put 300k in Enron and removed all my holdings from Citigroup. Now Enron goes down the tubes and Citigroup skyrockets! I lost everything! It’s all your fault! You’re a horrible Shoel Ov! And, no one liked my new green hair either! I was the laughingstock of my entire company. I hope you’re happy! :-(.

Posted by Chaim Meyers (08/19/2005) - I won’t say I told you so, but Ashkenazim really are morons.