Surgeon General's Warning:
Reading
OnlyTzaras.com may Cause Cancer, Heart Disease, Fits of Side-Splitting
Laughter, Arthritis in Clicking-Fingers, Migraines, Hernias, Atrophying
of Legs, Strained Eyes, Alcoholism, Broken Bones, Seizures, Stokes,
Carbon Monoxide Poisoning, Dihydrogen Monoxide Dependency, Tonsillitis,
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Epilepsy, Hallucinations, Blindness,
Sprained Neck, Broken Left Pinky Toe, Auto Accidents, Hemophilia, and
in Extreme Situations Death.
WARNING: IF YOU RECEIVE A TOXIC DOSE OF ONLYTZARAS.COM
IMMEDIATELY CONTACT POISON CONTROL!!! DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL,
SMOKE, OPERATE HEAVY MACHINERY, OR LAUNCH NUCLEAR MISSILES WHILE
READING ONLYTZARAS.COM!!! DRINK LOTS OF WATER WHILE TAKING
DOSES
OF ONLYTZARAS.COM, AND COMPLETE YOUR PRESCRIPTION UNLESS ADVISED
OTHERWISE BY YOUR DOCTOR!!!
Now
that the Surgeon General's Warning is out of the way, I would like to
personally wish you a very merry Christmas.
Sincerely,
Alfred (the OnlyTzaras Staff Butler)