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OnlyTzaras Disclaimer

Rosh Chodesh Adar, 5766 - After last year's release of OnlyTzaras.com, we have been plagued with personal injury and death lawsuits.  We were somewhat shocked by this, as we were not expecting people to hurt themselves reading while OnlyTzaras.com.  However, this year the U.S. Government ordered us to put a Surgeon General’s Warning on OnlyTzaras.com.   We also reccomend reading our Terms of Service.



Surgeon General's Warning:

Reading OnlyTzaras.com may Cause Cancer, Heart Disease, Fits of Side-Splitting Laughter, Arthritis in Clicking-Fingers, Migraines, Hernias, Atrophying of Legs, Strained Eyes, Alcoholism, Broken Bones, Seizures, Stokes, Carbon Monoxide Poisoning, Dihydrogen Monoxide Dependency, Tonsillitis, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Epilepsy, Hallucinations, Blindness, Sprained Neck, Broken Left Pinky Toe, Auto Accidents, Hemophilia, and in Extreme Situations Death.

WARNING:  IF YOU RECEIVE A TOXIC DOSE OF ONLYTZARAS.COM IMMEDIATELY CONTACT POISON CONTROL!!!  DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL, SMOKE, OPERATE HEAVY MACHINERY, OR LAUNCH NUCLEAR MISSILES WHILE READING ONLYTZARAS.COM!!!  DRINK LOTS OF WATER WHILE TAKING DOSES OF ONLYTZARAS.COM, AND COMPLETE YOUR PRESCRIPTION UNLESS ADVISED OTHERWISE BY YOUR DOCTOR!!!

Now that the Surgeon General's Warning is out of the way, I would like to personally wish you a very merry Christmas.

Sincerely,
    Alfred (the OnlyTzaras Staff Butler)
 

 

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